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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684362">the day before your wedding, i said my own vows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/madandimpossible/pseuds/tinybluewitch'>tinybluewitch (madandimpossible)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dorks in Love, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I mean kinda AU cuz magic still exists but also they have cellphones, Idiots in Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Romance, past Fjord/Jester mentioned briefly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:53:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/madandimpossible/pseuds/tinybluewitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jester Lavorre has one small, insignificant, tiny-teensy problem – </p><p>You see - she’s in love with her best friend…</p><p>And he’s getting married tomorrow.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the day before your wedding, i said my own vows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>X</p><p>Jester digs her colored pencils free from her sparkly, pink bag and slams them onto the desk with her open palm. A frustrated huff leaves her lips and disrupts the hair that had fallen in front of her face.</p><p>“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, Jess?” Beau asks from the couch, arms stretched out on either side, and her head tilts with the question.</p><p>“No!” Jester grumbles, digging further, fishing out erasers and sharpeners and markers and letting them scatter across the tabletop. “I just can’t find—” She flips the bag upside down, letting the contents spill and clatter across the glossy hardwood floor. A twelve-sided gem rolls toward her feet. Jester snatches it between her fingers and her shoulders sink in relief.</p><p>“Caleb let me borrow it.” She runs her thumb over the edge, the opulent surface catches in the early morning light and she can see her reflection duplicated and fractured. Her lips pull into a smile.</p><p>“Right.” Beau drawls, “He just lets you borrow an important artifact that he’s been studying for the past two semesters.”</p><p>“I dunno what you’re trying to imply, Beau.” She delicately sets the gem down. The crystal winks at her in the sunlight. She recollects her pencils so she can begin her sketch of the Dodecahedron. Beau is quiet for several long moments and Jester <em>almost</em> believes her friend is going to drop the conversation.</p><p>“I’m just sayin’.” She huffs, “He didn’t let any of us borrow it.” Beau makes a sweeping gesture with her arm.</p><p>“You can come look at it too.” Jester looks up, smirking, “Are you jealous?” She teases – because teasing is easier than reading into <em>whatever</em> Beau’s words mean. Their mismatched friend group, pieced together through triumph and trauma, had its fair share of unique bonds. Even Veth and Beau’s constant competition with one another bordered on sibling rivalry. She and Caleb’s bond was like that. Not in the sense that they were like siblings, but just that it was different with him.</p><p>At least, it <em>was</em>.</p><p>Her pencil tip digs into the page and the graphite snaps. She tears away the page and decides to start again.</p><p>
  <em>Your friendship isn’t going to disappear, Jester. Calm down. </em>
</p><p>“I’m not jealous! You’d just think, you know, bein’ a history major.” Beau points to herself, “He’d let me check it out or take it to the Archive.”</p><p>“Maybe he’s afraid the Archive will keep it.” She looks up, the stairwell creaking as their roommate – Yasha – comes downstairs.</p><p>Beau snorts, “That’s fair.”</p><p>Jester watches as Beau’s eyes follow Yasha’s retreating form as she leaves the sitting room and heads to the kitchen. Her heart squeezes. They had been dancing around each other for the past year. Jester stopped herself from getting too <em>involved</em>. She was happy to listen to Beau or Yasha when they needed to talk, and she helped Yasha write a poem. But she didn’t know if Yasha ever gave it to her. She didn’t want to ask.</p><p>Because if she asked Beau, then inevitably, Beau would ask <strong>her </strong>about Caleb.</p><p>That was a conversation Jester preferred to avoid.</p><p>She glances at her phone, a photo of her and Caleb smiling back at her and her heart does another strange swoop inside her chest.</p><p>In less than twenty-four hours, she’s going to stand next to Caleb and watch him marry someone else. Jester slips her headphones over her head and refocuses on the Dodecahedron and an unbidden memory filtering into her mind as the music swells around her;</p><p>
  <em>Caleb rubs his face with both hands, “This is impossible.” He says, staring disdainfully at the textbook laid open on the library table. An empty box of doughnuts split between them and cold coffee resting by their bent elbows. The darkened windows stick with snowflakes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, it can’t be so bad.” Jester gets up from her seat, leans over his shoulder to peer at the equation he’s been working on for the past hour and a half – she stretches her arm out, painted black fingernail tracing the glyph, “Uh – see ? That one is oh - <strong>definitely</strong> tree. Mhm! That one is cloud. Hmm. It’s all coming together, see? Tree, cloud, there’s the roots, and that looks like bird.” She nods. Her heart beats like a quiet hummingbird in her chest and with each inhale she’s breathing in sandalwood and cinnamon. A scent that’s as familiar as home to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Caleb’s laugh warms her straight to the bone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ja, you may be onto something, Blueberry.” Caleb twists in his chair to look up at her. The first thing she notices is his mouth and the second thing she notices is the ghost of ginger stubble on his jaw – and it would be so easy, you know? They’re already so close. It would be so easy to lean down and kiss him just to see what his mouth feels like and find out if the stubble on his jaw tickles or not. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jester pulls away and her courage leaves her as the memory of Fjord’s rejection pops into her head. The hummingbird trapped inside her ribcage flutters nervously throughout her body, “See, told you!” She curls back into her chair, tucking her hands into her white sweater sleeves, and hiding her burning face from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What do you – “ She hears him swallow, “Think of Astrid?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“She seems nice!” She answers quickly. Too quickly, probably. Jester grins toothily at him,“Oooh! Do you liiiike her? I knew something was up when you invited her to Caduceus’ garden party.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I did not invite her.” Caleb corrects, settling his chin on his fist, and watching her with tired, blue eyes. “We simply reconnected at the party.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Right.” Jester idly doodled on the margin of her notepad, “So, you like her?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I like her.” He says it so casually, but Jester feels her heart drop like a stone all the same. “I am wondering how she might get along with the others. We are – uh – a bunch of assholes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll help!” Jester perks up, sweeping the little broken pieces of her heart under the rug, “I’ll make sure she feels welcomed.” She keeps doodling, glancing over at Caleb, whose gaze hasn’t wavered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She catches him nodding, his expression soft, “You are a good friend, Jester.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m the best.” Jester nudges her elbow into his side. She commits his smile to memory. She folds it up into the pages of her sketchbook. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ja.” He nudges her back, “That you are. The very best.”</em>
</p><p>X</p><p>“STOP CHEATING!”</p><p>“I’M NOT CHEATING!” Veth screams, “YOU JUST SUCK.”</p><p>“I’m going to Caleb’s!” Jester calls out over the noise of Veth and Beau playing a video game together. The Dodecahedron is warm in her coat pocket. She tucks her sketchbook under her arm and the balmy spring air kisses her face as she shuts their apartment door behind her.</p><p>Jester makes her way through the sprawling, concrete jungle of the town where she and her friends lived outside of the academy they attended. She tries to notice the little, beautiful details of her walk so that her mind stays focused. She passes an older orc watering flowers in her garden, three students pass her on their bikes and their laughter echoes through the quiet street, a dark-haired halfling girl is drawing with chalk on the sidewalk and Jester stops to ask if she can draw something too.</p><p>She draws a little goblin face and the halfling girl laughs with delight. They add rainbows and sparkles together. It takes her mind off things. For a little while, anyway.</p><p>She stops in front of the red door of Caleb and Veth’s apartment. She rings the doorbell once before using her key.</p><p>“CAYLEB!” She calls out from the entry way, pulling her coat free and hanging it on the twisted iron wrought coatrack by the door. Her fingertips trail along the orange wallpaper as she heads into the living room with its plush couch and colorful rugs – geometric and mismatched in such a way that it hovers on chaotic. The shelves are cluttered with books and knickknacks from porcelain cats, succulents, and dog-eared leather journals to bones, jars of buttons, and collected sea glass.  </p><p>Jester flops down onto a beanbag chair. She gazes up at the ceiling. She painted it – first year. A canopy of stars looks down at her with <em>accurate</em> constellations. That was Caleb’s contribution. And the hidden dick-shaped constellations? That was her contribution.</p><p>“Jester…” Her eyes flick over to the second entryway of the living room and her heart seizes. Caleb’s there. That’s normal. That’s<em> fine</em>. What he’s wearing, however, is <em>new</em>. Jester swallows and jumps to her feet, “Caleb! Look at you!” She slings her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug.</p><p>She pulls away with a wide smile that hurts her cheeks, “Very handsome.”</p><p>Caleb blushes, his eyes dropping to his shiny black shoes, “Thank you.” He thumbs at the black bowtie hanging loose around his neck, “I don’t know how to…” His face tightens with frustration, “I’ve been watching tutorials.”</p><p>Jester bites her lip, stifling her laugh, “Would you like some help?”</p><p>His eyes meet hers and Jester reminds herself to breathe. Which is stupid because her lungs didn’t used to have a problem breathing <em>before</em>. It’s just that now they do. Now they need periodic reminders when her best friend looks at her like <strong><em>that</em></strong> – with his eyes clear and lovely, his lips parted, and his brow soft. The slight ruddiness staining his cheeks from her earlier compliment. As if <em>he</em> was as affected by <em>her</em>.</p><p>“I would be very grateful.” Caleb stands up straighter as she approaches.  </p><p>“Did you get taller?” Jester asks, keeping her focus as she slips the black silk through her fingers.</p><p>“I slouch.” He shrugs a little, tilting his face to the side, as she threads the bowtie through. It doesn’t take long, but she smooths the wrinkles of his white shirt, and her hands freeze on his shoulders. Caleb turns his face back to her and Jester feels the world fall under her feet. Her throat tightens.</p><p>The swell of emotions rush up like an unforgiving tidal wave and she’s too slow to mask her expression. Not that it would <em>matter</em>. Her masks were gossamer when up against Caleb’s perception.</p><p>“Jester?” His lips turn down in concern, “Are you alright?”</p><p>Jester sniffles, pulling her hands away and covering her face, “Yes!” She swallows away the tears, “I just can’t believe it!” She swipes away the wetness on her cheeks and points at him, “You! Getting married! M-my best friend.” She looks at him. Really, <em>really</em> looks at him. His wrinkled white shirt, and perfect black bowtie, and mussed auburn hair and she can imagine him pacing and tearing his fingers through it.</p><p>It breaks her heart that she can’t just <em>be happy</em> for him.</p><p> He leaves the room and returns with a box of tissues – “It’s overwhelming.” He admits, softly, and she notes the slouch of his shoulders as he sits down on the couch.</p><p>“But you’re happy?” Jester prompts, wringing the tissue between her fingers, “Astrid. She makes you happy, right?”</p><p>Caleb looks up at her. He opens his mouth and then shuts it. He nods, slowly, his eyes falling to the red and orange carpet. Jester closes the distance and sits beside him, her thigh pressed snug against his on the small, cat-hair covered couch.</p><p>She lets her head fall to his shoulder.</p><p>They’ve sat like this hundreds of times.</p><p>Late night study sessions with Essek and Beau – takeout containers and notebooks sprawled across the living room floor. Crowded movie nights with Caduceus making popcorn, a bowl shared between the two of them. The Sunday mornings after she and Veth caused chaos the night before – Caleb giving her a cup of tea and then sitting beside her, listening with a smile, as she told him all the pranks, she and Veth pulled off.</p><p>The night after the disaster with Fjord. She sat right here, with her head on Caleb’s shoulder, and cried until Veth came downstairs with an armful of bad action movies to watch. And when Veth had passed out on the floor, snoring loudly, Caleb grabbed a book and read to her until she fell asleep beside him.</p><p>She didn’t know what her world would look like without Caleb as a permanent fixture inside of it.</p><p>“Caleb…I—” She twists her fingers together, “I’m afraid we won’t be friends anymore.”</p><p>“Jester…” His tone is serious, and she feels his hand come up and settle between her shoulder blades. The tension in her spine melts away, “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”</p><p>She snorts. Normally, Caleb would’ve put her mind and anxieties to ease. But she knows how this story will play out. Caleb will marry Astrid, and they’ll go off and be cool wizards and travel the world together, and she’ll be here. She’ll have her friends, but she won’t have Caleb anymore.</p><p>He’s writing a new story – one with less Jester-filled chapters.</p><p>He just doesn’t realize it yet.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She clears her throat, sitting up and away from him, and his hand leaving her back feels like the snap of a book closing - “Tomorrow is your day. We should be talking about <em>you</em>. Is there anything you need? Flowers? Giant balloons? A unicorn to ride off on after the ceremony?” She makes sure her expression is nothing but exuberant when she faces him.</p><p>If he notices that her smile has cracks, he doesn’t say it.</p><p>“Ah – can we get a unicorn on such short notice?” He smirks at her.</p><p>“Other people can’t.” Jester juts her chin up, “But they’re not <em>me</em>. So. If you need a unicorn, Caleb, I will get you one.”</p><p>Caleb chuckles, rubbing his chin, and Jester gives herself a moment to breathe in as he looks away. It <em>hurts</em>. She realizes. <em>Looking at him hurts</em>. All the words she should’ve or could’ve said are balled up inside her stomach and they can’t come out. He may call his friends assholes, but she knows he doesn’t mean it. She’s not an asshole who is about to ruin her best friend’s wedding by admitting she’s been in love with him this entire time.</p><p>No. She’s going to smile, and stand next to him, and she’ll smile at Astrid. She’ll watch them dance and exchange rings and she won’t shed a single tear.  </p><p>Caleb deserves to be happy and if Astrid makes him happy then she’s going to ensure that tomorrow goes perfect for him.</p><p>“I suppose we can save the unicorns for the next wedding.” He says mildly with a shrug, “Did you eat already?”</p><p>Jester shakes her head.</p><p>“Can’t brainstorm on an empty stomach, Lavorre.” He pats her knee, “Pancakes?”</p><p>Jester pushes her hair behind her ears, “Pumat’s Diner?”</p><p>“Where else?” Caleb jokes, rising to his feet and offering her his hand.</p><p>Jester squeezes his hand as she gets up and they linger, like that, holding hands in his living room – until Caleb clears his throat and lets go.</p><p>She squares her shoulders as Caleb leaves the room. <em>I can do this.</em></p><p>“Soooo, have you picked out a honeymoon spot yet?” Jester asks, her tail swinging behind her, as she follows Caleb. “If you need some romantic suggestions – I have <em>three</em>.”</p><p>X</p><p>Astrid comes over in the evening – to her shared apartment with Beau and Yasha – and Jester <em>throws</em> herself into hosting.  She makes cupcakes and little cakes. She puts together party favors with Veth. They order pizza and pick-up alcohol (Not that Jester drinks any of it. It’s <em>gross</em>). They leave the activities of the night to up to Astrid and the blonde woman shows them a Zemnian drinking game.</p><p>Maybe this would be easier if she disliked Astrid. But she <em>doesn’t</em>. She’s dry-humored, and pragmatic, and quiet, and Jester can see why Caleb loves her. She’s known her – as a friend – for as long as she and Caleb had been dating. It’s difficult to dislike someone who you’re friends with. Even if you’re a little – okay, okay,  <em>a lot</em> -  jealous of them.</p><p>And if she can love Caleb selflessly, then, by that logic, she <em>must</em> be able to love Astrid selflessly too.</p><p>“Astrid, can I ask you something?” Jester lays on her stomach, pillow underneath her, open candy wrappers scattered across the floor.</p><p>Astrid lifts her head, her eyes like flint, and she regards Jester with an all-too-astute stare for a woman whose been drinking since six pm.</p><p>“I have a feeling you’ll ask no matter what I say.” Her mouth twists into a smile.  </p><p>Jester worries her lower lip between her teeth, “How are you feeling about marrying Caleb?”</p><p>Astrid blinks – maybe she wasn’t expecting that question. Maybe she expected Jester to ask about her dress, or the food, or literally <em>anything</em> other than that.</p><p>“Fine.” She shrugs, “He and I have a good understanding of each other.”</p><p>“Because you love each other.” Jester says with a nod, but Astrid’s expression turns flat, and she feels like she’s missed a step walking down the stairs. “You – you <em>do</em> – right? Like. That’s why people <em>get</em> married.”</p><p>“There are other reasons to get married, Jester Lavorre.” Astrid replies before taking a slow sip of her drink. “Companionship, security, safety, ambitious opportunities…” She lists them off as if she were naming her groceries.  </p><p>“But he loves you?” Jester repeats the words, because saying them again will surely result in a different outcome.</p><p>Astrid sighs, “It’s complicated.”</p><p>“How so?” Jester unwraps another chocolate. She offers a piece to Astrid and she takes it, looking at it between her fingers before popping it into her mouth.</p><p>“It’s not my place to talk about Caleb’s feelings.” She says, “But, he has –“ She exhales slowly through her nose, “He’s making a sacrifice for me. One that I intend to repay, someday.”</p><p>Jester shimmies upright and scoots closer to Astrid so they’re both sitting on the floor, as Molly and Beau start another round of karaoke,  “Astrid?” She raises her eyebrows. Nothing she’s said sounds very romantic. She’s making it seem like…like Caleb had <em>no</em> <em>choice</em> but to marry her.</p><p>“My family is ambitious and traditional….” Astrid says, her voice quiet, but steady – “Once I finished here, I was expected to wed a man of their choosing.” She shrugs, “Arranged marriages are not uncommon…I suspect if they even cared for me a little, they would’ve found someone suitable. Someone I might’ve even <em>liked</em>.” Her laugh is bitter, like the dark chocolate shared between them, and Astrid shakes her head slowly.</p><p>“When I discovered who it was, well, I told my family that it was too late. I was already engaged. Shortly thereafter, I asked Caleb for his help and he agreed.” She stares at Molly and Beau, but her expression is distant and closed off.  </p><p>The past year and a half of memories – all the interactions she’s seen with Caleb and Astrid – and it’s like trying to fit a puzzle piece into a space that won’t accept it. This whole time she suspected that Caleb and Astrid simply reunited after years apart and fell in love. That it was destiny. It was her only comfort as the days turned to months and she hid her own feelings away. After all, how could she compete with destiny?</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Jester whispers. A traitorous part of her heart asks another question, <em>Why Caleb? Why’d you choose him? You could’ve chosen anyone. </em></p><p>“If my family knew it was a ruse…” Astrid glances at Jester, “They’d pull me from the academy and marry me off without a second thought. A political alliance is far more fruitful than an education in their mind.” She must feel the unspoken question in the air because she continues, “Caleb is a very powerful wizard and he’s friendly with the Kryn Dynasty. That was reason enough for my family to accept the match. Beyond the marriage itself, Caleb and I have made no promises to each other.”</p><p>Jester looks away, her mind whirling, her heart thudding loudly in her chest.</p><p>Astrid touches Jester’s shoulder, “Jester, are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah –“ Jester hurriedly got to her feet, bouncing on her heels, “I – I just need some air!” She presses a finger to her lips and winks, “Don’t worry, Astrid. Your secrets safe with me.”</p><p>Astrid gives her a thin, close-lipped smile, but her eyes have warmed, “Thank you, Jester.”</p><p>
  <em>‘Well, that’s unexpected.’ The Traveler’s smooth voice comes to her mind.</em>
</p><p><em>‘Tell me about it.</em>’ Jester mentally quips back, pressing both hands to her chest as she slips out of the apartment.</p><p>Caleb is getting married in twelve hours. A marriage borne from duty – not love. An agreement made between <em>friends</em>. Jester had a hundred more questions in her mind, but she forced them to quiet down as she walked.</p><p>Caleb is getting married in twelve hours and he has <em>no idea</em> that she’s in love with him.</p><p>
  <em>Caleb and I have made no promises to each other.</em>
</p><p>Jester shakes her head. What does that mean? She could guess what it means. She could. She thinks of lingering looks in the library, and Caleb threading his fingers through her hair when she’s half-asleep on the floor with Veth, of dancing at Yasha’s birthday party and pulling Caleb into a perfectly imperfect waltz, Caleb helping her draw dicks underneath the tables in the lounge, Caleb handing her a bag of black moss cupcakes – that he used a <em>teleportation circle</em> to get to just because she was having a bad day, Caleb letting her put his hair in a braid, Caleb listening to her, offering support, offering advice, sharing and holding space with her when she was upset – Caleb – <em>Caleb</em> -</p><p>X</p><p>She stares at the red door. How the hell did she get here so fast?</p><p>She doesn’t knock this time. Or ring the bell. She just turns her key into the lock.</p><p>“Intruder!” Veth screams, hopping into the entryway from the side room, her crossbow in hand, “OH! Hey Jessie.” She turns her head to yell into the other room, “JESSIE’S HERE!”</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t know we were expecting more company.” Caduceus’s calm voice carries through the air, “How nice. Jester, would you like some tea?” The firbolg comes around the corner, his green and pink flowered robe almost touching his knees, a knowing smile on his face.</p><p>“Where’s Caleb?”</p><p>“Upstairs.” Veth shrugs, jerking a thumb over her shoulder to the stairwell, “Are you guys still doing karaoke? Molly texted me like five minutes ago. I said I’d go but only if I get to pick the songs because last time--”</p><p>Jester rushes past the pair of them and takes the stairs two at a time.</p><p>“So, is that a no for the tea, you think?” She hears Caduceus ask Veth. She pivots, turning down the hall, running to Caleb’s room. She can feel the wild Fae essence of the Traveler swirling beneath her veins. She freezes at the door – unsure whether to knock or barge in – and then even more unsure about what to <em>say</em> even.</p><p> <em>Whatever. Just figure it out. You’ve wasted enough time. Literally. </em> She raps her knuckles against the wood, “Caleb! It’s meeee! Your best friend in the whole world! Open up! I have something suuuper important to tell you!”</p><p>The door swings open to reveal a disheveled Caleb Widogast. Jester’s heart absolutely <em>soars</em>. If she wasn’t already head-over-heels, then <em>this</em> would be the moment she fell. Caleb, one hand braced on the doorframe, the other at his side, his expression surprised and wild and a little flustered – his hair ruffled, the bowtie loose around his neck (again), a smear of ink on his cheek with the glow of firelight flickering behind him. She grins, her tail flicks behind her, and she watches with satisfaction as Caleb’s throat bobs and he stutters out her name – “J-Jester? Aren’t you supposed to be—”</p><p>“With Astrid, yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He steps aside as she pushes her way into his room, the dancing lights shift, and Jester finds herself momentarily stunned. She’s never been in his bedroom before, she realizes. Everything is dark wood, a thick quilted blanket on his bed, and bookshelves lining the walls. A desk stacked with papers and ink, chalk drawings of glyphs on the floor, and the faerie lights that he’s summoned bathe the room in an effervescent, warm glow.</p><p>A single photo is on his desk. It’s same photo Jester keeps as the background on her phone. The two of them, Caleb is laughing because Jester had said something funny. (Because of course she did. She’s super fucking hilarious). He’s not looking at the camera, but Jester is. She had been the one to capture the moment. It’s one of her favorite moments. The first time she ever made the grumpy Transmutation wizard laugh out loud.</p><p>“Oh.” Jester laces her fingers together, the nostalgia of the moment threatening to sweep her under, “Caleb,” She spins around to face him. He’s leaning against the closed door and his suspenders hang loose around his waist but nothing about his expression or posture tell her he’s calm. In fact, he looks quite nervous that she’s here. Jester gets right to the point. No use in dragging this out.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Astrid? About her family?” She asks gently. Maybe she should be more upset that her best friend kept a secret from her. But she truly can’t find it within her to <em>do</em> that. She’s been keeping secrets, too.</p><p>“We thought it best to keep everything in the dark.” His fingers twitch at his sides, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jester shakes her head quickly, “Don’t be. I mean. I get it. I wish you would’ve told me…but…” Her shoulders lift in a weak shrug, “I just have questions, you know? Like are you going to stay married forever? Will you be happy? Does she make you happy, truly? Because I know you’re doing this for a noble cause and that’s really amazing but…” She takes a step forward, clasping her hands to her chest, “Caleb…” The words trap themselves inside her throat as Caleb steps forward.</p><p>He covers her hands with his own, “I’ll answer your questions in order.” He squeezes her hands, just a little, and Jester tilts her face up toward him. The faerie light brightens the hues of gold and amber in his hair.</p><p>“No, we do not intend to stay married forever. A year, at most, which will give Astrid enough time to complete her studies and remove herself from her family’s influence.”</p><p>Relief floods her veins. A year is not very long at all. She gives him a slight nod.</p><p>“As to my happiness, as I said, I will be here. With you.” He smiles faintly, “with all of our friends and I can think of no better place to be and that makes me happy.” His thumb caresses hers and Jester feels sparks go up the length of her arm.</p><p>“You needn’t worry so much about me, Jester.”</p><p>Jester gives him a gentle roll of her eyes, “If I don’t, then who will?” The smile that comes to her face feels weightless. A new kind of joy blossoming in her chest.</p><p>“Hmm.” He smiles down at her, “Veth, probably.”</p><p>Their shared laugh is quiet and tender in the warm, safe glow of his bedroom. Outside, the first raindrops start to fall and begin pitter-pattering against the rooftop and windowpanes.</p><p>Jester gathers all her courage up, “Caleb, can I tell you a secret?”</p><p>His smile fades, his expression turning solemn as he nods, and Jester keeps her eyes locked on his. It was now or never. The only way she’d find out if she could fly is if she jumped. Ouch, fuck. That might be a terrible analogy. She’ll have to think of a better one when she tells her Mama this story.</p><p>You see, telling someone you love them is a lot like casting a spell. All you need is a little bit of faith and some focus. If she has enough faith to summon giant lollipops out of the ether, then she surely has enough faith to tell Caleb how she feels.</p><p>“Caleb, I love you.” There. She said it. She takes a deep breath, letting the magic of the moment flow through her.</p><p>“I have loved you for a really, really long time. By the time I realized what was happening, you and Astrid were already dating, and I wasn’t going to fuck that up…and I would’ve never told you…except Astrid told me that the wedding wasn’t real and that you two didn’t promise anything and so I thought – well – better tell him now! And I hope that this doesn’t make things weird between us because you really <em>are</em> my best friend, you know?”</p><p>Jester brings their joined hands to her lips and she can smell the ink on his fingertips. She presses a single kiss to his knuckles. And when she looks back up at Caleb, he is <em>staring</em> at her. She squeezes his hands – hoping she didn’t stun him into silence. This sort of conversation usually needs some kind of back and forth.</p><p>Caleb blinks, collecting himself, before he asks - “Why would it be weird?”</p><p>“Well,” She shrugs one shoulder, “I dunno - if like - you didn’t feel the same, you know? Like…that could be weird. Like what happened with me and Fjord. We’re fine now, <em>obviously</em>, and he’s my friend, but it was weird for a while.”</p><p>The old memory of Fjord used to sting. It doesn’t anymore. She’s glad for that.</p><p>“Y-you think…” Caleb curses under his breath, before pulling their joined hands to his chest, pulling Jester closer so that her forehead nearly hits his chin, “<em>Jester</em>.”</p><p>His breath tickles her forehead, and she has to arch her neck back awkwardly to look at him.  She tries to find the answers in the lines around his eyes and mouth, the line between his brows, and the flush on his cheekbones.</p><p>“Jester…” He repeats, rapidly blinking, “<em>Jester</em>, <em>I</em> <em>love</em> <em>you</em>.” He gasps the words out – as if they had been ripped from his very lungs.  </p><p>She bites her lip, a nervous and excited thrill running through her, “You do?”  </p><p>“I do.” Caleb levels his gaze with hers.</p><p>Unable to resist, Jester smirks, “You should practice saying that since you’re getting married in the morning.”</p><p>He shakes his head, a wry chuckle escaping him, “We have many hours left to the night and I’d much rather focus on that.” He presses his lips to their joined hands, just as she did moments ago, and he kisses each one of her knuckles.  </p><p>Jester’s heartbeats unsteady in her chest and her breath catches in her throat as Caleb looks up with her hand inches away from his lips, her rings reflect and cast tiny rainbows along his jaw, “I don’t want to be presumptuous, as I know this evening as been…eventful…but I’d like to kiss you…”</p><p>Jester exhales shakily, “Then you better kiss me.”</p><p>She tilts her head up as he leans in – and it’s:</p><p>
  <em>Lying on the grass together with Caleb freezing an apple in midair – just for fun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jester sitting on the countertop, reading off a baking recipe, while Caleb measures the ingredients. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Visiting her Mama during summer break and Caleb laughing as Jester uses her duplicate to play a prank on the guards while Veth narrowly escapes an attack by a seagull.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sitting at the bar together while their friends get drunk and they play the role of ‘designated sober parents’ and make sure everyone gets home safely.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jester receiving a flower crown from their friend, Reani, and then learning to make one so that she can give one to Caleb, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Caleb bringing her soup when she was sick and then sitting by her bed, keeping her company, until Beau got home.</em>
</p><p>Caleb’s lips are surprisingly soft against hers. He’s clean shaven, so there’s no stubble to discover if it tickles or not. Jester decides she’ll just have to figure that out at another time. Their fingers untangle and Jester winds her arms around his shoulders while his arms slip around her waist.</p><p>They cling to one another – two drifting souls finally finding solace – and Jester smiles against his mouth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this like....before i had to go to sleep for work in the morning so i am SORRY if there are dumb errors i just like the idea of them being like<br/>"oh wait we both love each other"<br/>also i missed writing them so :)</p><p>&lt;3 thank u to this lovely community i love u all</p></blockquote></div></div>
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